1. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars", including
the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
3. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
4. You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the "Hinterland Who's Who" spots so you can finally find out what happens to the arctic ptarmigan in winter.
5. You know who Ernie Coombs is.
6. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
7. Whenever you hear the word "car", you have to stop yourself from involuntarily reaching back for a hockey net.
8. You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".
9. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast, Doctor", "You all know I canna read a word..." (was that REALLY Sarah McLachlan in that one?)", and "Kanata". And the other favourites such as Banting and Best.
10. You can still whistle the theme to "The Forest Rangers".
11. You participate in "Participaction". At least, until you fall down laughing when you think of how your hair is getting "sweat-EE and out-of- Control".
12. You spend sleepless nights wondering if Peter Mansbridge and Wendy Mesley will ever find again the blissful love they once knew.
13. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "what's good enough protection for the Prime Minister, is good enough for me!"
14. You wonder if you're the only one who would like to see Ralph Benmergui and Ian Hanomansing team up and become the new Wayne and Schuster.
15. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change. The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
16. You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
17. Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.
18. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.
19. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
20. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
21. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
22. You have more than 3 friends named Gordon.
23. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
24. You wonder idly if there is some government coverup of a covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X Files" from British Columbia to California, but you're far too apathetic to do anything about it anyway, though it was nice seeing some of the old "Beachcombers" cast getting some TV work now and then.
25. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
26. You know that it was a Canadian who invented basketball and immediately have the image of a ball being thrown at a peach basket and someone having the bright idea of cutting a hole in its bottom anytime its origin is mentioned.
27. You end every sentence with eh.
28. You know what a touque is.
29. You have some memento of Doug and Bob.
30. You know Toronto is not a province..
31. You drink Moosehead beer because of the moose.
32. You never miss "Coaches Corner".
33. Back bacon is a food group.
34. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
35. You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk".
36. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
37. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
38. You drink pop, not soda.
39. You know what it means to be on pogey.
40. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
41. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
42. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
43. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
44. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
45. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has ever had sex and don't want to know if he has!
46. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
47. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
48. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
49. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
50. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
51. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
52. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
54. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".
55. You hum David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme in the shower.
56. You make up patriotic lyrics to go along with David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme.
57. You cried when Gus "drowned" on Road To Avonlea.
58. You think there isn't enough of Peter Gzowski to go around.
59. You think "Ed the Sock" is funny.
60. You spend hours in the dark making scale models of the Avro Arrow and cursing the Diefenbaker government.
61. You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.
62. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "what's good enough protection for the Prime Minister, is good enough for me!"
63. You can sing "O Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean.
64. You advocate the abolition of responsible government, in favour of monarchist rule.
65. You think there isn't enough Queen on our currency.
66. You think Peter Mansbridge is hot.
67. You think Lloyd Robertson is hot.
68. You think Peter Kent is hot.
69. You think Brad Pitt is so-so.
70. You stood in line for hours for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.
71. You killed your best friend for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.
72. You think Great Big Sea isn't Maritime-centric enough.
73. Your graduation formal dress/suit was made of flannel.
74. You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 referendum.
75. You remember "Jodie" from Today's Special and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC.
76. You can do the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-marinki-dinki-do".
77. You know why "killerwhaletank" is funny.
78. You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards. You wonder why Stompin' Tom doesn't get his own category in all three. You scream passionately at the television when your favourite Canadian performers are overlooked by their respective academies.
79. You think -10º C is mild weather.
80. You have twins named Donovan and Bailey, Wayne and Gretzky, or Gordie and Howe.
81. You think it's normal to have a grain elevator in your backyard.
82. You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.
83. You know the names of all the guys in Sloan.
84. You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if they edited out your carefully prepared rant against the Harris government.
85. You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.
86. You know the ingredients for poutine.
87. You automatically read 'Z' as 'Zed' and don't give a care that it doesn't rhyme with "now I know my abcs".
88. You know what happens in the Evergreen Forest when Bert Raccoon wakes up.
89. You dressed as Bruno Gerussi for Halloween. You spent hours sifting through garbage on the beach to prepare for the role.
90. You substitute beer for water when cooking.
91. You carry empty beer cans from your camping trips home with you in your backpack so you can recycle them when you reach civilization.
92. You know that the 'Extra Creamy' in Kraft Extra Creamy Dinner is 'add more milk.'
93. You prefer Elvis Stojko when he has 'hockey hair' - a.k.a. 'the mullet' or 'the shorty-longback'.
94. You brag about the sweet herb in BC.
95. You know the chorus of "The Log Driver's Waltz" and are particularly fond of the 'whirling down and down' bit.
96. You steal stationery from your Government of Canada co-operative education placement because you figure you can find lots of uses for paper with 'Human Resources Development Canada/Développement des Ressources Humaines Canada' written at the top.
97. You are moved to tears by those Bell Canada phone commercials they show around Remembrance Day, where the grandson calls his grandad from Dieppe. You understand the manipulative nature of the advertisement, but continue to be moved, nontheless.
98. You stay up until 2:00am (the end of some television station broadcasting hours) to hear the Canadian national anthem.
99. You get up at 5:00 am (the begining of broadcasting hours) to hear the Canadian national anthem.
100. You spit angrily when Americans say "ruff" instead of the correct "roof".
101. You have daydreams that film-maker Don McKellar, and Hugh Dillon from The Headstones, skinned and ate Regis and Kathie Lee.
102. You recognize: CPP, RSP, and CCM.
103. You know what "Canuba" is. You think it's pretty damn funny.
104. Your gravy boat is shaped like the Bluenose.
105. You refuse to consume chocolate that doesn't come in either Smarties, Coffee Crisp, or Laura Secord format.
106. You die a little inside if you can't get your Tims double-double.
107. You know the difference between real snow and "television" snow -- the white stuff that passes for snow on tv and in films. You scream, "For goodness-sake! That should be sticking to their pants!" and "Lookit, it's not melting! That's *so* not snow!" when watching 'Winter' scenes.
108. Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
109. You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize.
110. You know who Foster Hewitt is.
111. You read, rather than scanned, this list.