These are totally halairious and I just had to put these up. If you have any more that I don't have, please send them to me and I'll post them up along with you name/nick. I'm always wanting more submissions for anything! Have fun reading.

Dyslexics have more fnu.
Clones are people two.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Eschew obfuscation.
Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs!
186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it
Atheism is a non-prophet organization..
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Editing is a rewording activity.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
My reality check just bounced.
Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
Jesus is coming, everyone look busy
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory
Horn broken, watch for finger
All men are idiots and I married their king
The more you complain the longer God lets you live
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished
Help wanted telepath : you know where to apply
I.R.S. : We've got what it takes to take what you've got
I'm just driving this way to piss you off
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs
I love cats * they taste just like chicken
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
Keep honking, I'm reloading
Hang up and drive
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather did, Not screaming and yelling like his passengers
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
I Said "no" to drugs, but they wouldn't listen
The gene pool could use a little chlorine
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot!
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat
Forget about World Peace * Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
He who laughs last thinks slowest
Lottery : A tax on people who are bad at math
Friends help you move, Real friends help you move bodies
Puritanism : The fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy
Consciousness : That annoying time between naps
Be nice to your kids, They'll be choosing your nursing home
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?