This story takes place a little bit after the system restore in "End Prog," after Mainframe has returned to something approaching normal. Don't worry about words like "day" and "morning." They mean what you think they mean, no complicated time-conversion charts here. (Hey, Mainframe started it!) Little Enzo Matrix (01) will generally be referred to as "Enzo," older Enzo Matrix (gun-boy) will generally be referred to as "Matrix." But not always, so do pay attention (you'll see when we get there). Time's up! Pencils down! Let's go...

Back to School
A Strange Sort of Beginning

[Day 1. Morning. Dot's Diner. Enzo is sitting at the counter, Matrix and AndrAIa are in a booth.]
AndrAIa [to Matrix]: Aren't you going to finish your energy shake?
Matrix: No. You can have it. I missed these things when we were game-hopping, but they're getting to be too much. I mean, Dot owns most of Mainframe. You'd think she could get us something else to eat occasionally...
AndrAIa [taking a sip of Matrix's shake]: I like energy shakes.
Matrix: You like everything.
[Just then, Bob and Dot enter the Diner from downstairs. Dot is carrying a lunchbox in each hand.]
Enzo [jumping from his stool in a frenzied leap for the guardian]: BOB!!!
[Bob, without flinching or looking away from Dot, shoots a burst of energy from one hand. Enzo is suspended in mid-air while Bob finishes what he was saying.]
Bob [to Dot]: ...so then the guy goes, "I'd rather kiss a null!"
Dot [breaking into questionably genuine laughter and batting her eyelashes]: Oh, Bob. You're so funny!
[Bob takes a step back to look at Dot, and discontinues the energy beam that was holding Enzo.]
Enzo [hitting the floor]: Oof! Hey, that was cool!
[Matrix's hand flies to his gun.]
AndrAIa: Easy there, Sparky.
Matrix: But he's just so...
AndrAIa: Annoying? I know. But not here. There's too many witnesses. [Seeing a shocked look on Matrix's face, she smiles.] Just kidding. Actually, he's just like you used to be. I like him.
Matrix: You like everybody.
[Meanwhile...]
Dot [batting her eyelashes some more]: What is it, Bob?
Bob: It's just... I never stopped to really look at how much you've changed since I came home. When did you get those?
Emma Fee: AHEM!
Me: What? [looks at Bob's last line] Eep! No! Wait! I can fix it! Watch!
Dot: My eyelashes?
Bob: Yes, your eyelashes. That's exactly what I mean. And nothing else.
Emma: That's better.
Me: Okay. Good. I shouldn't be here anyway. Back to the story.
Dot: You don't want to get an energy shake to go?
Matrix: See what I mean? She's always pushing the energy shakes! There's plenty of other food here, too.
Me: No. Really. That's okay. If, by some miracle, I have any readers I'm probably just bugging the heck out of them right now. Besides, I don't want to be around when Emma asks why Bob & Dot were downstairs together. Or when Dot realizes it was me who was making her act so stupid.
Dot: What?!?!
Me: Eep! [MG disappears in a flash of light.]
Bob: I could do that.
Dot [now unreasonable and grumpy]: Yeah. Whatever, blue-boy.

Wait. There Was a Story Here, Really. I Had Notes and Everything. It Was Something About School... Oh. Yeah. Now I Remember.

AndrAIa: So Dot, what's with the lunchboxes?
Dot [snapping out of it]: Huh? Lunchboxes? Oh. They're re-opening the school today. Enzo has to go back to class.
Enzo: Awww, Sis... Do I have to? Can't I just hang out all day and follow you and Bob around and go into games and cause problems and almost get all of us nullified just like I used to? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Bob and Dot [in unison, after exchanging the briefest of looks]: NO!!!
[Enzo begins to look almost hurt for a nano, as if this complete rejection has finally reached wherever his actual emotional center was hiding deep inside a big wad of hyper.]
Dot [apologetically]: Enzo, I--
Enzo [as usual]: Cool!
Dot: Okaaay... Here's your lunch.
Matrix [chuckling]: Remember when we were in Miss Brodie's class, AndrAIa? Thank goodness we don't have to do that anymore...
Dot [to Matrix]: Excuse me, young man? No brother of mine is going to be a grade-school dropout.
Matrix [dumbfounded]: Wha? But Dot, AndrAIa and I--
Dot: AndrAIa can do as she likes, but you are going to class. Here, I packed a lunch for you, too.
Matrix: But... we were gonna go after Daemon!
Dot [bringing on that really scary older sister tone that I hope you're fortunate enough to not know of]: No excuses! Go!
[Unable to deny the voice of fate in the form of his sister, Matrix slowly staggers backward to the Diner's door, followed by Enzo. AndrAIa pauses a moment, then decides it would be much safer to face Miss Brodie than Dot right now.]
AndrAIa [running out the door]: Hey! Enzo! Enzos! Wait for me!
Dot [to Bob]: She seems clingy. Does she seem clingy to you?
Bob: I really could disappear in a flash of light, you know.

Role Call

[Miss Brodie's classroom. The last morning bell is about to ring, and the students are taking their seats before school starts. AndrAIa walks through the door, followed by an arguing pair of Enzos.]
Matrix: It's mine! Now give it to me before I decompile you!
Enzo: It's mine! Dot gave it to me!
Matrix: You're not the boss of me!
AndrAIa [visibly frustrated]: BOYS! Knock it off already! Deciding who gets the stupid "Megabyte & Mindy" lunchbox shouldn't be so hard. Can't you just take turns or something?
[Matrix and Enzo pause to look at her, then go right on back to their quarrel. AndrAIa sighs and goes to try and find a way to cram herself into one of the little plastic chairs.]
AndrAIa [to herself, as she decides she'd be better off sitting on the floor]: I don't know what's with those two. I think I'll like school.
Matrix [from across the room, momentarily interrupting his argument]: You like everything! [turning back to Enzo, and drawing his gun] Gun! Target-lock! Now give me my lunchbox!
[Enzo, now with a little red target on his forehead, hastily reconsiders his position on the issue, and trades the "Megabyte & Mindy" lunchbox for the "My Favorite Binome" one Matrix had been given.]
Matrix [slowly lowering Gun]: That's better. And no trade-backs!
[Miss Brodie enters as the bell rings for class to begin, and Enzo runs for a desk. Matrix looks to see that AndrAIa's sitting in the back of the room, but the only open seat is in the front. Next to Enzo. Matrix grumbles as he goes to sit down next to the eternally hyper sprite, and grumbles more as the tiny chair buckles under his weight. Matrix also decides he'd be better off just sitting on the floor behind the desk. As if he had a choice.]
Miss Brodie: Good morning class!
Class [in rather dismal union]: Good morning, Miss Brodie...
Miss Brodie: I've been looking over the roster, and I see we have some students I had previously assumed were dead. Will these students please say "here" when I call their names? [looks at the class list] AndrAIa?
AndrAIa: Here!
Miss Brodie: Billy Gosub?
[A little one binome sitting next to AndrAIa stops gawking at the sprite just long enough to answer when he hears his name.]
Billy: Uh... here!
Miss Brodie: Thank you, Billy. Good to see you aren't dead after all. You still owe me a book report. [she turns back to the list] Enzo Matrix?
Enzo: Here!
Matrix: Here.
Miss Brodie: Two sprites named "Enzo Matrix" in the same class? This could be a problem. Hmm... I know! We'll just call you [points to Matrix] Enzo, and we'll call you [points to Enzo] Matrix. That ought to clarify things quite a bit!
Matrix: Dude! Look who's got the cool renegade name now!
Enzo [hand already on his gun]: Don't tempt me, kid...

Lunch

[The school cafeteria. The three sprites have gathered at the end of one of the long lunch tables. AndrAIa does not seem particularly happy.]
Matrix [opening the "Megabyte & Mindy" lunchbox]: Oh. Look. An energy shake. What a surprise.
AndrAIa [lost in her own problems]: I don't get it. I just don't get it! I'm practically an engineering genius. How could I fail a grade school math quiz?
Matrix: Well, duh! It's so completely basic that even--
Matrix [interrupting]: Stop it.
Matrix: Stop what?
Matrix: We're out of the classroom, so stop being "Matrix." Now.
Enzo [nervously eyeing Gun]: Okay. Sure. No problem. [turning back to the sulking AndrAIa] Anyway, it's so basic! You didn't even get the easiest problem right! Of course you failed!
[Enzo opens his lunch to find a container of food from GiGO's Gourmet Express and a note that reads "Matrix-- I got the feeling you might be getting a little tired of energy shakes, so I packed you something special. Enjoy! --Dot."]
Matrix: Um... Enzo, do you think maybe I could--
Enzo [smirking]: No trade-backs!
AndrAIa [after repeatedly checking the addition on her fingers]: But 1 plus 1 is 2! I'm sure of it!
Enzo: No, 1 plus 1 is 10. Are you random or something?
AndrAIa: I don't understand-- how can the answer not be 2?
Enzo: There is no "2." In math class, there can be only "1."
Matrix [getting a weird sense of deja vu]: Uh... I think I'm gonna go see what the cafeteria's selling for lunch today.
Enzo: Be seeing you!
[Matrix's... eye widens, and he bolts from the table.]
Enzo: What's with him?
AndrAIa: I don't care. I've got my own problems. Is that Billy kid a friend of yours? He kept pulling my hair and trying to kick me!
Enzo [between bites of his lunch]: He probably just likes you.
AndrAIa: Likes me? Well, I don't like him!
Matrix [from the lunch line]: You like everyb-- oh. Wait. Never mind.

Homework (Blech!)

[Back in the classroom, as the students are waiting for the final bell. Enzo and Matrix have switched desks, causing Miss Brodie to use their correct names without even realizing it.]
Miss Brodie: ...and don't forget about the note I sent to all of you before school started.
Enzo: Note?
Miss Brodie: Yes, the one about Parent's Day. I mailed it out well before school started.
Enzo: We didn't get a note. I think my dog ate it.
Miss Brodie: Really now, I would think you could come up with a better excuse than that...
Enzo: No, really. He ate the mailman, too.
Miss Brodie: Oh. [blinks] Well, the note was just to tell you that tomorrow is Parent's Day. Every student is responsible for bringing one of their parents to school so they can tell the class a little about what they do for a living.
[Seeing the three sprites' hands shoot up, Miss Brodie anticipates the question.]
Miss Brodie: Those of you without parents can bring an adult you respect, instead.
[Enzo and Matrix immediately glare at each other, that same lunchbox competitiveness written all over their faces.]
Matrix: I call dibs on Bob!
AndrAIa [shaking her head]: Here they go again...

[A little while later, at the Diner. A second screaming match is in progress.]
Matrix: He's mine! I saved him from the Web before you were ever recompiled!
Enzo: He's mine! I completely idolize every dorky thing he says!
Matrix: You're not the boss of me!
[AndrAIa, Dot, and Bob are sitting at the bar just watching the fight escalate.]
Dot: I wish Enzo could get along better with... himself. So, what are they fighting about this time?
AndrAIa: They both want to take Bob to Parent's Day at school tomorrow.
Bob [smug]: Well, this isn't the first time I've been fought over. Hey Dot, remember how you and Mouse used to-- [Dot shoots him an angry look] Ahem. Not that I enjoyed that. No. Not one bit.
Dot [turns back to her brothers]: Enzo, stop pushing Enzo. I'm sure one of you can think of someone else who would be a good-- if not better-- choice for Parent's Day.
[Matrix and Enzo just give her blank looks.]
Dot: Someone who's a good leader... Someone who wears glasses...
Enzo: Of course! How could I be so basic?
Dot: I'd be glad t--
Enzo: I'll go ask Phong right now! [He runs off]
Dot: Uh... yeah. That's who I meant. But how about you, AndrAIa? You still need to invite someone. [looks hopeful]
AndrAIa: Hmm... An adult I admire... I know, I'll ask Ra-- [gets a patent Matrix-on-the-verge-of-jealousy look] Mouse. I'll ask Mouse.
Dot [stomps off grumbling]: ...oh, sure... the hacker, the crazy old man... wouldn't want to ask the Command.com to Parent's Day, would we? Well, it's their loss! I could've brought pie charts!

The Aforementioned Parent's Day

[Day 2. Morning. Back at school on the aforementioned Parent's Day. Bob is speaking to the class. No one seems particularly impressed.]
Bob: ...and so when a guardian says his job is "to mend and defend," he means it.
Miss Brodie: Excuse me, Mr. Bob, but we're running short on time. Would you mind wrapping it up here?
Bob: But I'm not even half done! I just got through the "mend and defend" part. I still have the whole "hopes and dreams" thing to go!
Miss Brodie: It's Phong's turn to share now.
Bob: But I can shoot stuff from my hands!
Miss Brodie: Please take your seat.
Bob [suddenly noticing something]: Hey, didn't you used to have a strong Scottish accent?
Me [in the form of a voice from nowhere]: Shh! I can't type that! Mouse's two lines of dialogue are more than enough for me to deal with in this story! [Bob disappears in a flash of light.]
Phong: I didn't know he could do that.
Miss Brodie: Ah, yes. Mr. Phong. [in a hushed tone] I wanted to see you before you talked to the class. I was hoping that you might avoid the subject of how you got your head ripped off and lived in a jar during Megabyte's reign... I'm afraid the children would find it upsetting.
Enzo: You had your head ripped off, Phong? Cool! Why doesn't anyone tell me these things?
[A dozen hands shoot up to ask Phong questions about having his head detached. AndrAIa takes the opportunity to quietly ask Mouse a question of her own while the class is distracted.]
AndrAIa: Mouse, I need some advice. Enzo says this kid Billy "likes" me. Now, what would you do about something like that?
Mouse: Well it seems to me... [thinks it over] ...you ought to kiss 'im for some impossibly long length of time, or just kill 'im. That's how I'd handle it.
Matrix [overhearing Mouse]: Kiss or kill who?
Mouse: Oh, it's nothin'. That little binome there just has a crush on AndrAIa.
Matrix: Gun! Target-lock!

Aftermath

[Back at the Diner. Because we all know they all hang out at the Diner ALL the time. That, and it's just easier than thinking of an original location for such a short scene.]
Dot: I can't believe you got yourself expelled from school on the second day...
AndrAIa: Blowing up Billy like that was a bit much...
Dot: Exactly. That's just not appropriate classroom behavior, is it AndrAIa?
AndrAIa: No, killing him was fine. I just meant I could've used my nails to stab him and there would have been a lot less cleaning up to do.
Dot [sighing and putting her head down on the table]: I give up.
Matrix: Who cares about school. I didn't want to go in the first place. And the cafeteria food tasted like slugs.
Ray [and you thought he wasn't gonna be in this story, didn't you?]: Slugs? Hey, sounds like my kind of place!
Enzo: Has anyone noticed that Bob never showed back up after he disappeared in that big flash of light?
Dot: Hmm... Now that you mention it, I do wonder where he is...

[At the same time, where Bob is...]
Bob: Help! Can anyone hear me? I'm trapped in some sort of alternate dimension!
Me: And that's what you get for not considering the writer's limitations! Now be quiet, Hex and I were talking.
Hexadecimal [and you thought she wasn't gonna be here, either!]: ...and then I find you can keep him rather distracted if you offer him some tea.
Me: Think I could get him to dance with me?

THE END

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