The Adventures of Boot 3

The Adventures of Boot
Episode 3

(We're in the office. Bob is in front of the computer, tapping away.)

Announcer: We take you now to Bob, hard at work on a new episode of The Adventures of Boot.

Bob: (talking to himself as he writes) Lights. . . dim. . . on. . . Megabyte. . . evil. . . chuckle. . . The End! Episode Three is done!

(Dot walks in.)

Dot: Hey Bob. What's processing?

Bob: (excited) I just finished up Boot 3. You're going to love it! It's a production of Dr. Seuss's The Cat in the Hat.

Dot: (skeptical) You did a spoof on The Cat in the Hat?

Bob: (still really excited) No, I figured the material was good enough to do a faithful production of it.

Dot: Bob. . . you know there's already been a faithful production of The Cat in the Hat, right?

Bob: Well, yeah, but did theirs have digital graphics, a subplot about foreign spies and secret government agencies, over twenty minutes of hair-raising car chase scenes, a soundtrack by Grammy Award-winning Billy Joel, an all-star cast including Charlie Sheen, Dustin Hoffman, Michael J. Fox, Christina --

Dot: Wait, wait. . . what happened to it being a "faithful production"?

Bob: Well, gee, Dot, we're allowed to take some liberties with the material. What would blockbuster smashes like Annie, Madeline, or The Scarlet Letter be if they'd stuck straight to the original material?

Dot: Okay, so what's all these liberties going to cost?

Bob: 5.4 million. Why? What kind of a budget are we looking at?

Dot: Nothing. This is a fan-made production, remember?

Bob: Oh. I guess we can't work with this, huh?

Dot: That's okay; we've got lots of other stuff to use, right?

Bob: (Extremely reluctant) Well, actually. . . booking all the actors and putting together all the additional material for the story kinda cut into my "new episode" time, and. . .

Dot: Okay, so what do we have?

Bob: (playing with the computer) Umm. . . "The Wormer".

Dot: (livid) "The Wormer"?! That's it? (silence from Bob) I need a cola. (Dot leaves.)

(Bob sits in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Billy Joel walks in.)

Billy: Listen, about the fourth track, I --

Bob: Not now.

Billy: Oh.

(Cut quickly to the opening sequence. Bob does the narrative.)

I come from the Net
Through systems, peoples, and cities, to this place:
Mainframe.

My format:
Guardian
To mend and defend
To defend my family and friends
Their hopes and dreams.
To defend them from their enemies.

(The original ReBoot theme song plays as scenes flash by: Matrix being kicked by a kid in an airplane, Bob and Dot sitting in the office, Daemon watching Celebrity Deathmatch, Bob and Slash in a boat floating up the River Styx, baby versions of the ReBoot characters playing in a sandbox, Emidecimal in a strange costume blasting Megabyte in a strange costume, Enzo beating up Bob while Matrix stands nearby laughing, Mike the TV on the set of Biography, and Bob and Dot looking up, startled, as the sky turns dark.)

Daemon plans to take over the Net
She's infected the entire Guardian collective.
Except me.
I intend to stop her.

ReBoot!

The Wormer
By CPFace

(Various pre-recorded shots from the real episodes of ReBoot play. They're of Bob and Matrix defeating various villains, particularly Megabyte, only the villains have their faces all blurred out. A strangely familiar theme song plays.)

Police now goinda aide
Manice how turning up day
I shore damatta now heating up late
I goat a betty those people no way hey hey

Bad guys bad guys, whachakotta do
Whachakottado when they cumff or you
Bad guys bad guys, whachakotta do
Whachakottado when they cumff or you!

Guardians
"Guardians", the real-life stories about the men and women of system security enforcement, is filmed on location in Mainframe.

Some scenes may be too graphic for younger viewers. Parental discression is advised.

(Fade in to a scene where Bob and Matrix are sitting in a booth drinking coffee. Matrix has a newspaper. Nothing happens for several minutes. Then, Bob gets up, only to return a minute later. Cecil comes by and refills their coffee cups. Suddenly, the channel changes to "Yan Can Cook".)

Martin: Today, we are going to show you how to make a tasty and economical meal for your entire family out of this live chicken. (pulls out said chicken, holds it against a cutting board, and takes out a big knife.)

(Cut to the people who were watching Mike the TV, Bob and Dot, who are sitting on a couch. The remains of a pizza are laying on the coffee table in front of them. Dot's holding the remote control. Various disturbing noises come from Mike.)

Bob: Hey! Why'd you change it? That was my show.

Dot: Well, your life is boring. Besides, have you seen what this guy can do to a chicken?

Bob: What do you mean, my life is boring? How can I help it if the User hasn't inputted a single Game and neither Megabyte nor Daemon has launched any kind of effective attack since this season began?

Dot: Well, you could at least blow something up or run around naked or something.

Bob: (shocked) Dot, how could you say. . .

Mike: She's right Bob. You've driven the ratings straight into the ground. We're thinking of replacing you with reruns of Ask Harriet.

Bob: I don't have to take this from my entertainment system! I'm going over to the diner with Matrix! (Bob stalks out.)

Dot: At last, we're alone!

(Dot throws the pizza off the coffee table and pulls a Monopoly board out from under the couch.)

Dot: I get to be the hat!

Mike: I get to be the thimble!

(Cut to a shot of Bob and Matrix standing outside of Dot's Diner.)

Matrix: You know, I thought it would be nice to have all of our enemies at bay and being paid to sit around and drink coffee, but this is really starting to get to me.

Bob: (pointing) Well, here comes someone who can cheer us up! It's Enzo!

(Cut to a shot of Enzo running toward them. He has evil yellow snake eyes and he's grinning sadistically.)

(Cut back to Matrix and Bob.)

Matrix: Oh, this is always so awkward. . . Hey, wasn't he deleted in the last episode?

Bob: Well, he got better. . .

(Enzo runs up and dives into Bob's chest, knocking him over. Matrix laughs good-heartedly.)

Matrix: Ah, what a delightful little scamp I was.

Bob: (struggling for his life) Arck! He's. . . get. . . him. . . off. . .

(Matrix laughs good-heartedly for a few more nanoes before realizing that Enzo is savagely clawing at Bob and beating him into the pavement.)

Matrix: Hmmm. I don't remember this part. . .

(Cut to an establishing shot of Mainframe's Diagnostics center. Fade in to Dot, Matrix, and AndrAIa in the waiting room. A One binome enters the room and everyone looks up.)

Dot: Dr. Norton, how are they?

Norton: Well, Enzo is fine, but I'm afraid Bob is in critical condition.

Bob: (stepping up behind the doctor, looking just fine) Hi everyone.

Norton: Yes, we don't hold much hope for. . . aaah! (He examines the clipboard closely and mutters to himself.) So whose report is this? All well. (He drops it in the nearby trash can.)

Matrix: What happened? Why did he go berserk like that?

Norton: Well. . .

We interrupt this dull exposition and meaningless technobabble to bring you this odd, misshapen parody that the author really, really wanted to put in this episode, but couldn't find a more logical place to put it.

Little Dot's of Horrors
By CPFace

(Welcome to Dot's Diner. Bob and Dot are standing around, looking glum.)

Dot: I don't know what I'm going to do. Business is just horrible lately.

Bob: I have an idea! (Bob drags a giant plant, which looks just a bit too much like a venus flytrap, into view.) Perhaps this strange and unusual plant I've been raising in the basement will help bring in business.

Dot: Bob, you're a genious!

(Cut to an exterior of Dot's Diner. Binomes are lined up far and wide. A sign in the window reads "All you can eat salad bar".)

The End

And now, back to "The Wormer".

Note: There has been a casting change. The part of Matrix will be played by Get a Life star Chris Elliot for the remainder of the episode.

(Jarring transition back to the waiting room scene.)

Dot: So these "worm" things get into your head and put you under the control of their creator?

Bob: (grim decisiveness) Megabyte.

AndrAIa: What makes you think it's Megabyte?

Bob: Oh come on. Like it's ever anyone else.

Chris: Well, there's that Daemon virus, and --

Bob: Yes, I think it's time we payed a visit on old Megabyte.

(Cut to an establishing shot of the Tor, somewhere deep within the Web. Megabyte laughs wickedly in the background. Fade in to one of the many chambers of the Tor. Ray Tracer is tied to a circular plate attached to one of the walls. His surfboard is nowhere to be seen. Megabyte is sitting by a control panel. Timmy is still small from the last episode and he's sitting in Megabyte's lap. Megabyte strokes the Web creature absently.)

Megabyte: Well, Mr. Tracer, is seems that your seconds of surfing my Web have come to an end. (He pulls a lever. The wall opposite Ray opens up and a big death-inducing whirling blade machine thingy slowly starts to approach him.) What do you have to say about that?

Ray: You'll never get away with this, virus!

Megabyte: (suddenly concerned) Really? Why not? Are your restraints too loose? I could have sworn I had them set up right, but if you're. . .

Ray: Umm, no. Actually, I was just, uh, well, I 'ad to say something to make myself seem confident.

Megabyte: Oh. Well. Good. All right then. Horrible brutal murder of you continues as planned.

Ray: Do you expect me to submit to you?

Megabyte: (evil sneer crossing his face) No, Mr. Tracer, I expect --

(Suddenly a door opens. Bob, Dot, AndrAIa, and Chris enter.)

Bob: Hold it right there, Megabyte!

Megabyte: (enraged) AAAAUGH! You stepped all over my line!

Bob: (not comprehending) What?

Megabyte: My line! My big line that I had right there. It's not bad enough that I had almost no part in the last episode, but now you walk over my lines!

Bob: What, "No, Mr. Tracer, I expect you to die"? C'mon, it's been done to death.

Megabyte: (indignant) I don't care. I happen to like that line.

Bob: Fine, we'll do the take over.

Megabyte: (upset) I don't want to do the take over.

Ray: (noticing how close the death machine is getting) Please pick up the pace please.

Bob: What? Oh. Fine, let's just pick up from "Hold it right there, Megabyte".

Megabyte: Right. So you get to have your line, but. . .

Chris: Look, can we do this scene? I've got a Tostidos commercial to do.

Megabyte: Fine, fine. . . (clears his throat) You're too late, Bob! The surfer is doomed!

Bob: (looking up) Oh yeah, I guess he is. (looking at Megabyte) Now tell us how you're sending worms to Mainframe and, uh, stop doing it.

Megabyte: What in the Web are you talking about?

AndrAIa: Don't play dumb! Enzo was infected with one of your worms, and he attacked Bob!

Megabyte: Look, I don't do worms. . . if I really wanted to do any significant damage to you, I would have sent a swarm of giant Web creatures or something. 'Cause, you know, I have those now.

Bob: Oh. (looks crestfallen) Okay. See you.

Megabyte: Hey! Aren't we going to have a fight over the surfer or something?

Bob: (rather mad) Hello? We said we're leaving, okay? We've got a wormer to look for, and we've wasted enough time in your stupid lair here.

Megabyte: But. . .

(They leave and slam the door closed behind them. Megabyte considers Ray, and the horrible death machine that's only inches in front of his face. He gives a dejected sigh and turns off the machine.)

Megabyte: You want to go out for some nachos?

Ray: Would I!

Meanwhile, in Daemon's Lair. . .

(Cut to a shot of a dark room lit only by the open refridgerator. The figure digging through the fridge is obscured, since we're on the other side of the door. It seems to be humming the "Bologna Sandwich Song". It tosses a package of bologna, a couple individually-wrapped cheese singles, and a bottle of brown mustard onto the nearby table.)

(Some music and "mouth noises" reminiscent of Seinfeld play as we cut to an establishing shot of Dot's Diner, then cut to Bob, Dot, Chris, and AndrAIa sitting in a booth.)

Bob: Why do they give you a receipt for a haircut? Are you going to return it or something?

(Everyone gives Bob an odd glance.)

Chris: There's reports from all over Mainframe about binomes being infected by these worms. We've got to do something about it.

AndrAIa: Enzo's right.

(They consider the truth of that statement for a bit.)

Dot: (pulling out a notecard and reading from it in dull monotone.) I know. Let's ask Phong about it.

(We're magically taken away to Phong's office, where Bob, Dot, AndrAIa, and Chris have met to speak with Phong.)

Phong: Ah, children, I'm glad you have come. I'm working on commission these days.

Bob: Uh huh. Phong, we need to find out who's making all these worms. Is it you?

Phong: No.

Bob: Okay, bye.

(The four leave.)

Phong: Please come back again soon! I'm so very lonely.

(Bob, Dot, AndrAIa, and Chris are walking through the halls of the Principle Office. They pass by an advertisement: "The Wormer -- For all your worming needs. Conveniently located deep beneath the surface of Mainframe." Everyone passes by it. Chris does a double take and stops.)

Chris: Hey guys?

(Cut to Bob, Dot, AndrAIa, and Chris standing in front of the double doors of an elevator.)

Bob: C'mon. We'll take the express route to the bottom of Mainframe.

(The doors open. Everyone steps in, one after the other, and plummets through the empty shaft.)

(Chris, AndrAIa, Dot, and Bob land, one after the other, in a deep earthy pit.)

AndrAIa: The express route's a lot faster since they took out that slow elevator.

(Suddenly, a worm starts slithering out of the ground. It's about the thickness of an earthworm, but it's several yards long.)

Bob: Here it comes!

(Switch to "worm-cam", which has an unpleasant fisheye view and a red filter. It looks at Bob, who is storing up a massive ball of energy to attack. It looks at AndrAIa, who is holding up her paralyzing claws threateningly. It looks at Dot, who is holding up her fingernails threateningly. It looks at Chris, who's digging something out of his ear. Suddenly, the view zooms in on Chris to give the impression that he's the one being attacked.)

(Cut to a shot of Bob, AndrAIa, and Dot, watching the infection helplessly.)

Dot: No! Enzo!

Bob: Eww, it's going right in his ear. How's it all going to fit in there?

(Suddenly, Chris Elliot, with evil yellow snake eyes, runs up to AndrAIa and beats his fists repeatedly against her. There's no noticable effect.)

AndrAIa: Hey, he's a pathetic weakling. (she pricks him with her claws and he passes out.)

Bob: Boy, it's lucky we had that unexpected casting change back there. And now, let's find this Wormer!

(Cut to a shot of an apartment. The door opens and Bob, Dot, and AndrAIa enter.)

Bob: All right, wormer, where are you hiding?

(The camera pans dramatically over to the masked sprite sitting on the couch playing Super Smash Brothers. He stands up when the camera hits him. There's a brief still shot.)

The Wormer is Hacker X, Bob's long-lost twin brother from the Supercomputer who he never met.

Hacker X: (in a voice that sounds like one of those guys who does a bad job of dubbing a piece of animeé) Well, Bombo, at last you are here. I have been waiting for you. Ha ha ha!

Bob: Wait a nano. . . no one has ever called me Bombo, except for my long-lost twin brother from the Supercomputer who I never met.

Hacker X: There will be time to discuss that later. We have business to discuss. If you ever want your Mainframe to be free of my worms, you will --

(AndrAIa walks up and jabs him with her paralyzing claws. He falls over.)

Bob: Okay, you two get this loser tied up; I'll take care of the worms.

(Cut to a shot of three worms sitting by a campfire. The large one is talking to the two smaller ones.)

Big Worm: (horror story tone of voice) And they brutally butchered all of the worms in the system, and dumped their code into the great abyss!

(The little worms shudder in terror.)

Little Worm: (horrified) Is. . . is that a true story?

Big Worm: (still spooky) Oh yes. . . in fact, on a clear night like this, you can still hear their screams of agony.

(Fade to black. Pause a moment.)

Big Worm: (voice-over, frightened) What was that?

(The little worms scream in terror.)

The End

Credits

All characters in this story are the property of Mainframe Inc., and are used without permission. I didn't receive any money for creating this story, and I am not affiliated with Mainframe Inc.

(The screen is suddenly filled with a giant pink face which contorts itself at random as strange sound effects play.)

Face: Hi there! Face here! Coming up next, it's ReBoot Babies, followed by Blue's Clues! Here on ReHuCoHa Junior!

(Face makes a trumpeting noise, chuckles, and disappears.)

ReBoot Babies

ReeeBoot Baaabieees, we like to run and play
ReeeBoot Baaabieees, we do it every day!

When your system's kinda weird, and you're feeling really bored
Just make your own reality, and live there 'till you're sixty-four

ReBoot ReBoot ReBoot ReBoot
Bay Ay Ay Ay Bees

Dot's First Tooth
By CPFace

(We're in the nursery. There's a sandbox in the middle of the room, where Baby Bob, Baby Dot, Baby Ray, Baby AndrAIa, and Baby Matrix are playing. Close up of Baby Bob, who's making himself a lovely sandcastle that you wouldn't expect from a baby.)

(Dissolve briefly to some stock footage of various castles, then cut to Baby Bob's dream sequence, where he and Baby Dot are standing on top of a tower of a castle, clad in royal costumes. They speak in helium-induced voices.)

Baby Dot: Oh, King Bobby, don't you just love standing on this tower and looking around for miles and being the king and queen of this castle? Isn't it. . . romantic?

Baby Bob: (rather put off) Hoo Boy.

(Suddenly, Baby Matrix comes up, wearing your standard jester's costume with the pointy bell things and everything.)

Baby Matrix: Hey everybody! Wanna hear a joke? Okay. Why do castles have moats? Give up? To keep their pants from falling down! Wocka wocka wocka!

(Baby Matrix is pelted by tomatoes.)

(Suddenly, Baby Ray swings in on a rope. Don't ask how. He's wearing a vaguely Three Musketeers-ish costume.)

Baby Dot: (confused) Huh?

Baby Ray: It is I, Sir Raymond of Tracer, here to rescue you, Dotty my sweet.

(Baby Dot makes a furious noise, pulls Ray's nose out ridiculously far, ties it into a knot, and lets it snap back.)

Baby Ray: Wow! I'm in love!

(Suddenly, the castle starts shaking around them.)

Everyone: Huh?

(As the castle crumbles, we fade back to the nursery, where Megabyte is stomping the sand castle into the ground. The others are looking up at him, perplexed.)

Baby AndrAIa: Hey! How come you're not a baby too?

Megabyte: Actually, I am. It's just that I've always been like this. (He pushes her over.)

Baby Bob: Hey, you can't do that to her! Glitch! Erase!

(Cut to stock footage of a guy firing a ray gun. Cut back to the nursery, where Baby Bob is pointing a hopelessly useless little flashing light toy at the formidable virus. Megabyte considers this for a moment, then pushes Baby Bob over too.)

Megabyte: Well, I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth my time to infect you all and raise you to be soldiers in my army of darkness. (He glances at his watch.) Still, I do have some time to kill before Futurama comes on.

Babies: AAAAAUGH!

Hexadecimal: (suddenly appearing) Not so fast, dear brother! Have you forgotten about me? I've been purged of my viral ways, and I'll defend these children to the bitter end.

Megabyte: Perhaps. But if you're a younger version of yourself too, then you'd still be viral, wouldn't you?

Hexadecimal: You know, that's right!

(Chaos, havoc, destruction. Suddenly, the door to the nursery opens and Nanny steps in. All we can see are her green-striped socks.)

Nanny: Is everything all right in here?

Megabyte and Hexadecimal: Yes Nanny.

Nanny: All right, now you kids behave. I'm trying to watch my stories.

Megabyte and Hexadecimal: Okay Nanny.

(The door closes and we follow Nanny's socks down the hall. There's a sound like a knock at the door.)

Nanny: Now who could that be?

(Nanny continues down the hall to another door. She opens it and a police officer comes in. All we can see is up to his knees, of course.)

Nanny: Well, hello Officer Corothers. How are you today?

Corothers: Just fine. We've been hearing reports that you're running a daycare center out of this place. Can I see your license?

Nanny: Why certainly, Officer Corothers. I have it right here.

(One of Nanny's feet leaves the scene and, judging from the sounds and how the officer bends over in pain, it landed right in Officer Corothers's stomach.)

Nanny: Hmm. The crawlspace is getting a little full. I wonder if there's room for him in the nursery?

(Cut to Bob and Dot sitting in the office. Dot is leafing through a hard copy of the script.)

Dot: (reading aloud) Cut to Bob and Dot, Dot complains about the ending, Bob apologizes, and they go out for ice cream. (looking up) That's the ending? It's like you're openly admitting that you ran out of ideas.

Bob: Look, I'm sorry. I just couldn't think of a funny way to wrap things up, and I think our readers will respect us more if we're honest with them. So I'm sorry. Now, let's go out for ice cream.

3
Fudge Ripple

Featuring
Bob
Dot Matrix
AndrAIa
Matrix
Enzo Matrix
Ray Tracer
Megabyte
Mike the TV
Phong
Newton Norton
and Poopsies as "Little Timmy"

Guests
Billy Joel
Martin Yan
Chris Elliot

Catering
Chef Boyardee

Clips courtesy of Mainframe Inc.

Additional Music
The 3-D Popsicles

Props
Ron Popeil

Executive Producer
CPFace