The Bob Show

(Bob and Dot are sitting in what appears to be an office. Dot's in front of a computer keyboard, and Bob's standing over her, reading what's on her monitor.)

Announcer: (voice-over) We now take you to Bob and Dot, who are putting the finishing touches on their new spinoff series for The ReHuCoHa.

Bob: Yeah, that looks good. So, what are we going to call this series?

Dot: (puzzled) What do you mean, "what are we going to call this series"? It's called ReBoot.

Bob: Yeah, but we need a new title for it.

Dot: Why? It's what all the fans would recognize.

Bob: But if we call it ReBoot, people would think it's associated with Mainframe Inc.

Dot: Okay. So what do you have in mind?

Bob: How about The Bob Show?

Dot: Ick! You've got to be kidding!

Bob: How about just Bob?

Dot: (seeing where this is going) Nuh uh.

Bob: Bob: The Legendary Journeys?

Dot: No.

Bob: The Bob Files?

Dot: Look, we're not changing the title. This series is still going to be called ReBoot, okay? We'll just put a disclaimer somewhere that says we're not affiliated with Mainframe.

Bob: (sullen) Okay. . .

It's time for

The Bob Show!

(Pictures of Bob standing around in various poses and smiling fade in and out as a fifties sitcom-style theme song plays.)

Bob!
He's the man for the job!

If you're going for bust
And success is a must
But you're biting the dust
There's one name you can trust

Bob!
Bob!

If you're down on your luck
And you're passing the buck
And you're hit by a truck
And it looks like you're <CENSORED>

Bob!
It's the show about Bob!

The Bob Show!
Starring Bob!

The Webmaster
By CPFace

(Fade in to Baudway, where Bob and Dot are standing around. Dot looks flabbergasted.)

Dot: That was the most sickening theme sequence I ever saw. (Turning to Bob) How did you get it changed?

Bob: (shrugs) I went over your head.

Dot: (quietly enraged) I'm not speaking to you. (She storms off.)

Bob: She'll be back.

(A vidwindow pops up. Phong is on it.)

Phong: Bob. Would you report to the Principle Office for the first plot point please?

Bob: Sure thing, Phong.

(Bob gets out his zipboard, flies to the Principle Office, and. . . we're in. Phong is at a desk, going through some papers. Bob and Matrix are sitting in chairs, facing him.)

Phong: I've been going over your daily reports. It seems that in the past hour you managed to eliminate one of the viruses plaguing our system and neutralize the other. Besides that, you helped to stop our system from crashing and various other good things.

Bob: Well, it's all in the line of duty. You don't have to shower us with rewards or anything.

Matrix: Still, if you feel the need to, I'd like a. . .

Phong: (interrupting) Now our system is working perfectly well, and there are no threats to tell of, which is why I'm happy to sever our ties with you.

Bob: (surprised) What?

Phong: We no longer have the need for Guardians on this system, so I'm sending you back to the Supercomputer.

(Phong pushes a button on his desk. A clear barrier of some sort pops in around Bob and Matrix.)

Bob: Wait! What about Daemon? And. . . and. . . what about the Games and stuff like that?

Matrix: Yeah, and I'm not even from the Supercomputer! I'm from here in Mainframe!

Phong: Well, we're always proud to have one of our files on the Supercomputer. Bye now.

(Phong pushes another button, sending Bob and Matrix screaming through the roof. Phong notices his office chairs went with them.)

Phong: (shouting through the hole in the ceiling) I need those chairs back! You can mail them to me!

Meanwhile, in Daemon's Lair. . .

(A rear shot of a couch such that you can't see who's sitting there. In front of the couch is a TV that's running Celebrity Deathmatch. A hand reaches out and grabs some popcorn from the bowl perched on the coffee table between the couch and the TV. Female laughter as Roger Ebert sits on Gene Siskel.)

(Cut to a shot of Bob and Matrix walking into an apartment building as somewhat familiar music plays in the background.)

Announcer: (voice-over) Earlier this second, Bob and Matrix were kicked out of their system by a contented Command.com and asked never to return. Can two sprites live together in the same apartment without driving each other random?

The Bob Couple
The Bob Couple was written before a live studio audience.

(A shot of Bob sitting in a recliner watching Mike the TV, eating peanuts. A laugh track plays. Matrix enters, wearing an apron and carrying a vacuum cleaner. Another laugh track plays.)

Matrix: Bo-ob!

(Laugh track.)

Matrix: How many times do I have to tell you not to drop your peanut shells on the carpet?

(Matrix starts vacuuming up the shells. Laugh track.)

Bob: Matrix, would you stop that racket? I'm trying to watch the game on Mike the TV!

(Laugh track.)

Matrix: Well, I hope it's over soon, because dinner is almost ready, and we're not eating in the living room again.

(Laugh track.)

Bob: Hey, don't worry about dinner. I ordered a pizza.

(Laugh track.)

Matrix: But I made stuffed crab! It took me all second!

(Laugh track.)

Bob: Well, wrap it up. We can have it next second.

(Laugh track.)

Matrix: (deeply hurt) But it's our anniversary! You forgot again, didn't you?

(Matrix runs off crying. "Awww" track.)

Bob: (shrugging) What did I do?

(Applause track plays for several minutes.)

Bob: Okay, that's enough. Mike, turn the laugh track off.

Mike: Okay. (Mike walks off.)

Matrix: (coming in) What? What's the matter? I thought it was going pretty well.

Bob: No, we've got to get our jobs back.

Matrix: But how? Everything's fine in Mainframe; Phong won't let us go back.

Bob: Well, we go get Megabyte back and ask him to be our recurring villain again.

Matrix: But he's in the Web! How are we going to get to the Web?

(Cut to the interior of a commercial airplane. Bob and Matrix are sitting next to each other. A kid is kicking the back of Matrix's seat.)

Matrix: (to Bob) How come you get the window seat?

Bob: It's my show.

(Matrix endures the kicking a little longer.)

Matrix: (to Bob) Excuse me while I get something from my carry-on.

Five milliseconds later. . .

(Same scene, except now Matrix is contentedly cradling his Gun and there's a smoking hole where the seat behind him used to be.)

Pilot: (voice-over) Thank you for choosing Netscape for all your Web travelling needs. We'll be attacked by a giant Web creature shortly, so would you please fasten your seatbelts and return your seats to the upright, locked position.

(Cut to the plane's exterior, where a giant Web creature grabs the plane in its tentacles and tears it apart. Bob and Matrix can be seen as they fall out of the plane. The Web creature grabs them and drifts off.)

(Cut to a shot of the Web creature entering its lair. It takes Bob and Matrix to the end of a long corridor and sets them down. A familiar voice speaks to them from the shadows.)

Voice: Well, if it isn't Bob and Matrix. I must say, I didn't expect to see you two again. . .

Bob: No! That voice! It's. . . it's. . .

(Megabyte steps out of the shadows.)

Bob: Oh, wait, I was thinking of someone else.

(Megabyte cackles evilly as we fade out.)

(A hacked-up version of the ReBoot theme song plays.)

Announcer: We'll be right back to ReBoot, here on the Cartoon Network.

(A hideous inhuman thing runs around the screen.)

Announcer: Meet Edd. . . Ummm. . . I forgot my line here. . . Just pretend this was really funny. . . Watch Ed, Edd, and Eddy, here on the Cartoon Network.

(Wonder Woman is readying her lasso.)

Announcer: And now, Wonder Woman's Golden Lasso of Truth.

(Wonder Woman lassos Megabyte.)

Megabyte: (trying to fight it) Mmmm. . . My real name. . . is Marvin Gritchner.

(Wonder Woman's theme plays.)

(The hacked-up version of the ReBoot theme song again.)

Announcer: You know, I was once pulled over for speeding on the Information Superhighway. Now, back to ReBoot.

(Everyone's where we left them. Bob and Matrix look like they're about to laugh. Megabyte seems embarrassed.)

Bob: Marvin Gritchner? What's your middle name?

Megabyte: (hurt) I'm not telling. And now. . . (Megabyte gestures and the Web creature grabs Bob and Matrix in its tentacles again.) . . . Are there any questions before I let my loyal Web creature devour you?

(Bob and Matrix raise their hands eagerly.)

Megabyte: Hmmm. . . Matrix.

Matrix: What happened to you after you were pulled into the Web?

Megabyte: Ah, I was hoping you'd ask that. I had a presentation ready for just such an occasion. Timmy?

(The Web creature reaches over and starts a reel-to-reel projector. As it plays, Megabyte narrates.)

Megabyte: Just as I was about to enter the Supercomputer, Mouse changed the portal, redirecting it to the Web. I was grabbed by a Web creature, which dragged me into the Web and ate me.

(The projector stops.)

Megabyte: And that's the story of how I took over the entire Web, along with the minds, the souls, the very wills of every creature within it, and how I became. . . The Webmaster! (Megabyte laughs maniacally as thunder and lightning come from nowhere.) Well, except for Foxfire Studios. They can have that.

Bob: Neat. Will you come back to Mainframe and be our recurring villain again?

Megabyte: I don't see why I should. Here on the Web, I have everything I could ever hope for. Lackeys catering to my every whim, monuments to my power and greatness -- why in the Net should I go back?

Bob: Well. . . 'cause we need a recurring villain if we're going to get our jobs back.

Megabyte: (expectantly) And. . . ?

Bob: (rolling his eyes) And because all the fans love you.

Megabyte: (satisfied) Excellent. Just a few modifications to my contract, if you don't mind. . .

(Cut to a shot of Mike the TV in the set of Biography.)

Mike: (imitating Jack Perkins) Negotiations for Megabyte's contract raged on for seconds. Entire tribes of lawyers were brought in to help settle the various issues Megabyte raised, until finally. . .

(Cut to a shot of Bob, Matrix, and Megabyte, hunched over some papers as the lawyers watch on.)

Bob: Okay. . . You get a major role in 75% of the episodes, you get to capture a major character five times a season, and you get two cliffhanger episodes where you're ahead at the end of part one.

Megabyte: Three cliffhangers.

Bob: Deal.

(Bob and Megabyte shake hands. Suddenly, Megabyte starts infecting Bob. Everyone else in the room applauds.)

Mike: (voice-over) And then it just ends.

The End

Troubled Skies
By CPFace

(We fade in to a shot of a park, where dozens of binomes are running around. Some are eating hot dogs, some of them have balloons, and there's a baseball diamond where a game of baseball is going on. The camera searches through the crowd until it finds Bob and Dot, who are walking through the crowd.)

Bob: Wow, this charity picnic and carnival to help the orphan binomes sure was a good idea.

Dot: (bitterly) I'm still not talking to you.

(Suddenly, the sky goes dark. Bob and Dot stop short, and many binomes look up, confused.)

Dot: What in the Net. . .?

Bob: Oh no. Not now! This can't be happening now!

(Thunder crackles, and it suddenly starts raining.)

Bob: Darn. Guess we'll have to postpone the picnic.

The End

(Cut to a shot of Bob, Dot, and Enzo running down the street. Suddenly, they stop and face the camera.)

Bob: It's that time again!

Dot: To fight off the Web?

Enzo: To write angry letters to the editor?

Bob: No. It's time to rip off someone else's gag for a cheap laugh. And for that, we turn to "The Wheel of Morality".

(The Wheel of Morality slides in.)

Bob: (spinning the wheel) Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. (The wheel comes to a stop.) Moral number three. (The wheel's printer starts printing out the moral.) And the moral of today's story is. . . (reading) "The answer to your question lies far within yourself. Invest in some good surgical tools."

Dot: Truly a grain of sanity for our troubled times.

(Everyone looks off to the left.)

All: Yipe!

(Bob, Dot, and Enzo run off. Megabyte runs on-screen, waves his fist at them futilely, and continues to run after them.)

Credits

All characters in this story are the property of Mainframe Inc., and are used without permission. I didn't receive any money for creating this story, and I am not affiliated with Mainframe Inc.